9 words women use!

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a woman’s way of saying F YOU!

9.) Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.Then you RUN!

How to Waste Time at Work

Let’s face it. 9 to 5. 8 solid hours of work. Some people just don’t understand the finer points of wasting time at work. They’re afraid of getting caught slacking off right? Makes sense. But there’s a fine line between getting too little done and doing too much.

To be an effective time waster, you have to learn how to chip away at the hours. Goofing off for hours will only get you fired. You need to eat at those little seconds and minutes, and eventually they’ll add up. Capisce?

-Drink. Drink like your life depends on it.

Okay get this. Water, coffee, tea. Drink it. Chug it. Even booze helps. It makes you urinate quicker and more often. No one can blame you for your lack of bladder control. And only a jerk of a boss would really yell in your face. So use that to your advantage. Take your time. Men, even adapt the feminine roles and sit on the toliet. Take your time. Urinals were built for speed. Don’t be robbed of that precious time.

Time wasted: 30 seconds to 3 minutes per trip

-Washing

After you’ve finished your business, take a little extra time to thoroughly clean those hands. Make ’em squeaky clean. Too many people rush through this, or even ignore it completely. Taking your time washing them attracts minimal suspicion. Wet, scrub, rinse. Even sing that Happy Birthday song for extra seconds.

Time wasted: 15 to 30 seconds per trip

-Organize

Throughout the week, mess up your desk gradually. Then on Friday afternoons and Monday mornings, say you’re setting aside time to clean up your pigsty, getting yourself ready for the week. Now you can start rearranging those colored pens Mom got for you last Christmas, refilling paper, and catergorizing folders. Don’t forget to order the fancy colored ones.

Time wasted:
20 minutes to an hour each week

-Computer

Load that computer with junk. Download a bunch of useless spam and virus filled files. Although it may crash that brand new Mac, well, that’s the point. Then just sit back and watch your computer lag. If your boss walks by, just mumble something like, “Damn computer.” Watch as he magically laughs and agrees. Give him that wry smile and he’ll saunter away unsuspecting. For added effect, yell and scream at your computer. Then act casually mad, and turn to reading a book as you wait for the screen to load. Try not to attract too much attention. Just enough.

Time wasted: 30 minutes to an hour a day

-The Internet

One blunder that amateur time-wasters make is they surf the Internet on the company’s computer. This is a HUGE no-no as it can result in your walking papers. Don’t use the computer to download that new Kelly Clarkson MP3 or check Facebook. Instead, legitimately use the Internet for business. Need the phone number or address of a client on the other side of town? Don’t waste time using that fat yellow book. Waste time looking it up on the Internet. That way, you can prove to your boss that you’re actually working, while still wasting precious time.

Time wasted: 5 to 30 minutes a day

-Meetings. Meetings. Meetings.

Go to every single meeting that’s in your grasp. Most people know that meetings eat up a chunk of your office time. So use that to your advantage. You’d be shocked at how many people miss those golden opportunities. Just sit down, nod your head a few times, and start planning that vacation to Vegas.

Time wasted: Around 40 minutes a meeting. Plan on 2-3 meetings a week.

-And last but not least. Nap time.

So you’re tired. You need a nap. But even the most seasoned time waster at work may be a bit cautious when it comes to naps. Naps can be very dangerous if caught. Those magazines that say “napping improves employee performances.” Yeah, to your boss, that’s bull. He’s not gonna pay you to sleep.

Try this. Go to a semi-crowded area, and set up a scene. Drop your coffee mug full of decaf, or push your chair aside, etc. Then lie down and sleep. The point is to make it look like you passed out, from a concussion, or a sudden spasm, whatever. Have an excuse ready, and remember to not get sent home. That’s your outside down time. Don’t do it too often, and please. Don’t snore. It gives it away.

Time wasted: Anywhere from 10 minutes to several hours.

In conclusion:

Following this list can get you to waste anywhere from an hour and a half to basically the whole day. That means, on any given day, you’re really only doing a few solid hours of actual work. And you gotta consider, though this may be much, you’re really being paid for doing almost absolutely nothing. Congratulations.

How to win a Girl’s Heart in 24 Hours*

OK here it goes

Be Brave. Most girls like guys with confidence, not an ego. Just walk up to her and start a simple conversation.

Prove that you really love her and are not simply crushing or lusting for her. Ask her about herself, talk to her, don’t just move in for the kiss: actually listen to her and look her in the eye.

Care for Her: Ask her about her day. It’s a simple way to show her that you are interested in what she does. When she starts to talk, you must give her your full attention. Look her in the eye and don’t check anyone else out! And most importantly, don’t interrupt! Ask her questions about it though, because it will show her that you are concerned. Offer to help her.

Don’t tell girls- for that matter, anyone at all – they have a flaw unless you are OBVIOUSLY poking fun at them, even then only if you know they can take a joke, and know you well enough to know how to react to your teasing. Otherwise you risk putting them off.

Show respect for other girls too. When she realizes that other girls take interest in you then she will automatically get to the point where you want her to be.

Make sure to be good friends with her friends. If her friends like you, you’ll have a better chance of winning her over. After all, girls often turn to their friends for advice and for a second opinion. So, it’s best if her friends have a high opinion of you, right?

Make her feel like the most beautiful thing in the world. You can actually directly say that. Girls LOVE to be complimented and to know that they are beautiful, but don’t push it, then you just feel awkward and can’t hold a conversation about something else. Just saying something like “you look really nice today” will make her happy. As long as you’re sincere.

Make sure she feels safe with you. Most girls want to have someone they can trust and turn to when something goes wrong. And even when she is having a good day let her know you’re interested in how she’s doing. If you know that she has plans after work or school, ask her how it went. If you let on that you like her, she’ll eventually pick up on the hints. Girls are usually smart with things like this…TRUST ME.

Feel good and bad for her. If she is having a bad day, let her know that you feel her pain and that you want her to feel better. Then ACTUALLY ATTEMPT TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER!!!!!!!!

Simple little touches will help. If her head hurts tell her you’re sorry and stroke her face a little bit-but ONLY if she’s single. Make a point to pick a pretend fuzz ball off of her back or something and then quickly stroke her back with your hand, but make sure you don’t rub her down.

Make her friends yours. If her friends don’t particularly like you, try to be nice. Just say that you’re sorry for anything you have done to them, you really care about (insert girl’s name), and you want to get along with them for her sake. And then, really make a point to befriend them.

And if you can make a girl laugh, you’ll get further with her. But don’t take advantage of this. Let her be your best friend first, then ease your into things. A girl needs to know that she can trust you, and that you’re not going to break her heart because you really do care about her.

Another tip: let her wear your jacket if she’s cold. It makes an even bigger impression if you take it off of your back and give it to her to wear, but make sure it’s clean and smells decent. In doing this, you show a girl that you care about her.

Women take pride in hygiene and if a man has good hygiene it works really well on her.

Be ready to catch up because girls can run you around.

Don’t play games. It’s a waste of time and gets a relationship headed in the wrong direction. If you start on something false, or something without substance, that is most likely where you will end up. Cute little flirting or teasing is okay, but never pretend to be someone you’re not. If you think the girl is only in the relationship for one thing, and you’re in it for another, don’t just play along to keep her with you. Tell her what you’re looking for and try and make her see what really counts.

Be sincere. Complements, flirting, teasing, carefulness, none of it matters unless you truly do care. If you don’t then you shouldn’t be reading this, nor will whatever girl you’re trying to get ever be with you if you don’t care.

Love her for her quirks. Everyone has something they don’t like about the person they love, but if you have too many big things on that list, you need the boot. You need to love her for the things that make her special, for her uniqueness. Tell her so. For example “I love your freckles.” A simple thing like that that you know she may be insecure about can really mean a lot to a girl.

If you are thinking something, tell her. If you can’t decipher her signals or see where she is going with what she’s doing/saying, tell her that. It’s best just to get it out there, and see what she says. If you’re unsure of what is going on, or how she’s treating you, tell her that. If you get it out there right away, the problem can be fixed and the relationship can stay healthy.

Love who she is, inside and out. And show it.

*Imaginary conditions applied

99 ways to make your computer blazingly fast

Over the last several years working in IT for various companies as a Systems Administrator, Network Administrator, and Help Desk professional, I’ve written and learned about many ways to increase the performance of not only my PC, but also of the many PCs on my networks ranging from Windows 98 to Windows Vista.

In this article, I hope to compile a complete list of all the different methods and tricks that I’ve used to get the last bit of juice out of a slow PC. Whether you are using an old PC or the latest and greatest in hardware, you can still use some of these to make your PC run faster.

Note that since I write two blogs, Help Desk Geek and Online Tech Tips, I have previously written about many performance tips already which I will link back to throughout. If I have not written about it, I’ve throw in a link to a relevant article from some of my other favorite sites. This list is in no particular order, just written in the order that I could think of them.

There are probably a lot of great tweaks and performance hacks that I’ve missed here, so feel free to chime in with comments! Enjoy!

1. Defragment your computer hard disk using free tools like SmartDefrag.

2. You should also defragment your Windows pagefile and registry.

3. Clean up hard drive disk space being taken up by temporary files, the recycle bin, hibernation and more. You can also use a tool like TreeSize to determine what is taking up space on your hard drive.

4. Load up Windows faster by using Startup Delayer, a free program that will speed up the boot time of Windows by delaying the startup of programs.

5. Speaking of startup programs, many of them are useless and can be turned off. Use the MSCONFIG utility to disable startup programs.

6. By default, the size of the paging file is controlled by Windows, which can cause defragmentation. Also, the paging file should be on a different hard drive or partition than the boot partition. Read here on the rules for best paging file performance.

7. In Windows XP and Vista, the Windows Search indexing service is turned on for all local hard drives. Turning off indexing is a simple way to increase performance.

8. If you don’t care about all the fancy visual effects in Windows, you can turn them off by going to Performance Options.

9. You can optimize the Windows boot time using a free program called Bootvis from Microsoft.

10. Clean your registry by removing broken shortcuts, missing shared DLLs, invalid paths, invalid installer references and more. Read about the 10 best and free registry cleaners.

11. One of the main reasons why PC’s are slow is because of spyware. There are many programs to remove spyware including Ad-Aware, Giant Antispyware, SUPERAntiSpyware, and more.

12. If you have a deeper spyware infection that is very hard to remove, you can use HijackThis to remove spyware.

13. Remove unwanted pre-installed software (aka junk software) from your new PC using PC Decrapifier.

14. Disable unnecessary Windows services, settings, and programs that slow down your computer.

15. Tweak Windows XP and tweak Windows Vista settings using free programs

16. Disable UAC (User Account Control) in Windows Vista

17. Tweak your mouse settings so that you can copy and paste faster, scroll faster, navigate quickly while browsing and more. Read here to learn how to tweak your mouse.

18. Delete temporary and unused files on your computer using a free program like CCleaner. It can also fix issues with your registry.

19. Delete your Internet browsing history, temporary Internet files, cookies to free up disk space.

20. Clean out the Windows prefetch folder to improve performance.

21. Disable the XP boot logo to speed up Windows boot time.

22. Reduce the number of fonts that your computer has to load up on startup.

23. Force Windows to unload DLLs from memory to free up RAM.

24. Run DOS programs in separate memory spaces for better performance.

25. Turn off system restore only if you regularly backup your Windows machine using third party software.

26. Move or change the location of your My Documents folder so that it is on a separate partition or hard drive.

27. Turn off default disk performance monitors on Windows XP to increase performance.

28. Speed up boot time by disabling unused ports on your Windows machine.

29. Use Process Lasso to speed up your computer by allowing it to make sure that no one process can completely overtake the CPU.

30. Make icons appear faster while browsing in My Computer by disabling search for network files and printers.

31. Speed up browsing of pictures and videos in Windows Vista by disabling the Vista thumbnails cache.

32. Edit the right-click context menu in Windows XP and Vista and remove unnecessary items to increase display speed.

33. Use the Windows Performance Toolkit and the trace logs to speed up Windows boot time.

34. Speed up your Internet browsing by using an external DNS server such as OpenDNS.

35. Improve Vista performance by using ReadyBoost, a new feature whereby Vista can use the free space on your USB drive as a caching mechanism.

36. If you have a slow Internet connection, you can browse web pages faster using a service called Finch, which converts it into simple text.

37. Use Vista Services Optimizer to disable unnecessary services in Vista safely.

38. Also, check out my list of web accelerators, which are programs that try to prefetch and cache the sites you are going to visit.

39. Speed up Mozilla Firefox by tweaking the configuration settings and by installing an add-on called FasterFox.

40. Learn how to build your own computer with the fastest parts and best hardware.

41. Use a program called TeraCopy to speed up file copying in Windows XP and Vista.

42. Disable automatic Last Access Timestamp to speed up Windows XP.

43. Speed up the Start Menu in Vista by hacking the MenuShowDelay key in the registry.

44. Increase the FileSystem memory cache in Vista to utilize a system with a large amount of RAM.

45. Install more RAM if you are running XP with less than 512 MB or Vista with less than 1 GB of RAM.

46. Shut down XP faster by reducing the wait time to kill hung applications.

47. Make sure that you have selected “Adjust for best performance” on the Performance tab in System Properties.

48. If you are reinstalling Windows, make sure that you partition your hard drives correctly to maximize performance.

49. Use Altiris software virtualization to install all of your programs into a virtual layer that does not affect the registry or system files.

50. Create and install virtual machines for free and install junk program, games, etc into the virtual machines instead of the host operating system. Check out Sun openxVM.

51. Do not clear your paging file during shutdown unless it is needed for security purposes. Clearing the paging file slows down shutdown.

52. If your XP or Vista computer is not using NFTS, make sure you convert your FAT disk to the NTFS file system.

53. Update all of your drivers in Windows, including chipset and motherboard drivers to their latest versions.

54. Every once in a while run the built-in Windows Disk Cleanup utility.

55. Enable DMA mode in Windows XP for IDE ATA/ATAPI Controllers in Device Manager.

56. Remove unnecessary or old programs from the Add/Remove dialog of the Control Panel.

57. Use a program click memtest86 or Prime95 to check for bad memory on your PC.

58. Determine your BIOS version and check the manufactures website to see if you need to update your BIOS.

59. Every once in a while, clean your mouse, keyboard and computer fans of dust and other buildup.

60. Replace a slow hard drive with a faster 7200 RPM drive, SATA drive, or SAS drive.

61. Changing from Master/Slave to Cable Select on your hard drive configuration can significantly decrease your boot time.

62. Perform a virus scan on your computer regularly. If you don’t want to install virus protection, use some of the free online virus scanners.

63. Remove extra toolbars from your Windows taskbar and from your Internet browser.

64. Disable the Windows Vista Sidebar if you’re not really using it for anything important. All those gadgets take up memory and processing power.

65. If you have a SATA drive and you’re running Windows Vista, you can speed up your PC by enabling the advanced write caching features.

66. Learn how to use keyboard shortcuts for Windows, Microsoft Word, Outlook, or create your own keyboard shortcuts.

67. Turn off the Aero visual effects in Windows Vista to increase computer performance.

68. If you are technically savvy and don’t mind taking a few risks, you can try to overclock your processor.

69. Speed up the Send To menu in Explorer by typing “sendto” in the Run dialog box and deleting unnecessary items.

70. Make sure to download all the latest Windows Updates, Service Packs, and hot fixes as they “normally” help your computer work better.

71. Make sure that there are no bad sectors or other errors on your hard drive by using the ScanDisk orchkdsk utility.

72. If you are not using some of the hardware on your computer, i.e. floppy drive, CD-ROM drive, USB ports, IR ports, Firewire, etc, then go into your BIOS and disable them so that they do not use any power and do not have to be loaded during boot up.

73. If you have never used the Recent Documents feature in Windows, then disable it completely as a long list can affect PC performance.

74. One basic tweak that can help in performance is to disable error reporting in Windows XP

75.  If you don’t care about a pretty interface, you should use the Windows Classic theme under Display Properties.

76. Disable short filenames if you are using NTFS by running the following command: fsutil behavior set disable8dot3 1. It will speed up the file creation process.

77. If you have lots of files in a single folder, it can slow down Explorer. It’s best to create multiple folders and spread out the files between the folders.

78. If you have files that are generally large, you might want to consider increasing the cluster size on NTFS to 16K or even 32K instead of 4K. This will help speed up opening of files.

79. If you have more than one disk in your PC, you can increase performance by moving your paging file to the second drive and formatting the volume using FAT32 instead of NTFS.

80. Turn off unnecessary features in Vista by going to Control Panel, choosing Uninstall a program, and then clicking on Turn Windows features on and off. You can turn off Remote Differential Compression, Tablet PC components, DFS replication service, Windows Fax & Scan, Windows Meeting Space, and lots more.

81. Install a free or commercial anti-virus program to help protect against viruses, etc. Make sure to use an anti-virus program that does not hog up all of your computer resources.

82. Completely uninstall programs and applications using a program like Revo Uninstaller. It will get rid of remnants left behind by normal uninstalls.

83. If you know what you are doing, you can install several hard drives into your machine and set them up in RAID 0, RAID 5, or other RAID configurations.

84. If you are using USB 1.0 ports, upgrade to 2.0. If you have a Firewire port, try to use that instead of a USB port since Firewire is faster than USB right now.

85. Remove the drivers for all old devices that may be hidden in Device Manager that you no longer use.

86. A more extreme option is to choose a faster operating system. If you find Vista to be slow, go with Windows XP. Switching to Mac or Linux is also an option.

87. One of the easiest ways to speed up your PC is to simply reformat it. Of course, you want to backup your data, but it is the best way to get your computer back to peak performance.

88. Speed up Internet browsing in IE by increasing the number of max connections per server in the registry.

89. If you use uTorrent to download torrents, you can increase the download speeds by tweaking the settings.

90. If you have a desktop background, make sure it’s a small and simple bitmap image rather than a fancy picture off the Internet. The best is to find a really small texture and to tile it.

91. For the Virtual Memory setting in Windows (right-click on My Computer, Properties, Advanced, Performance Settings, Advanced, Virtual Memory), make sure the MIN and MAX are both the same number.

92. If you search on Google a lot or Wikipedia, you can do it much faster on Vista by adding them to the Vista Start Menu Instant Search box.

93. If you have a custom built computer or a PC that was previously used, make sure to check the BIOS for optimal settings such as enabled CPU caches, correctly set IDE/SATA data transfer modes, memory timings, etc. You can also enable Fast/Quick boot if you have that option.

94. If you have a SCSI drive, make sure the write cache is enabled. You can do so by opening the properties of the SCSI drive in Windows.

95. If you have a machine with an older network card, make sure to enable the onboard processor for the network card, which will offload tasks from the CPU.

96. If you are using Windows Vista, you can disable the Welcome Center splash screen that always pops up.

97. If you already have anti-spyware software installed, turn off Windows Defender protection.

98. If you are running a 32-bit version of Windows and have 4GB of RAM or more, you can force Windows to see and use all of the RAM by enabling PAE.

99. Buy a new computer!!! ;) Pretty easy eh?

Tips to Increase Your Battery Life

Unfortunately symbian phones are spending too much battery. I have a Nokia N70 and It’s working 2-3 days without charging. It’s really hard to say the same thing for S60 devices. But we can increase our battery life with a few tips

1. Close applicatons that you’re not using – If you press to Menu button Menu Button for 1 seconds you can see applications currently running.

Running applications means loosing more battery. If you don’t use them press to C button and close them. You will notice the difference

2. Turn off Bluetooth connection if you’re not using

3. Don’t use any additional Screen Saver. Use Nokia’s Default Power Saver

4. Set your Power saver time-out to “1 minute”

5. If you’re getting Low Signal, don’t talk with your phone. Because in Low signal, your phone is spending more energy to reach to the base station

6. Use Original Nokia batteries… Fake chinese batteries can be explosive!

Posted in Mobile, Tricks. Tags: , , . 1 Comment »

The Safest Way to Have an Affair Without Getting Caught

There seems to be an ever growing number of married people having affairs these days. Maybe it is because more of us are buying into the concept that monogamy is unnatural. Maybe it is because more of us want happiness at all times no matter what we have to do to get it. Maybe we’re just all more connected and hear about it more often.

Whatever the reason, the perception is that more people than ever are cheating. Whether it is more than before remains to be seen. What isn’t different is the fact that just about no one who cheats wants to get caught. We all want to get away with it. I’m sure there are ways to romanticize the whole thing so that it seems like something more, but the bare fact is if we are cheating, we don’t want to get caught.

There are lots of little tips and tricks to help you achieve this double life successfully. Just making sure you don’t do any of the telltale things most cheaters do will help you out a lot. Don’t bring your affair to your own home. Don’t pay for any affair related expenses with credit cards. Don’t shower as soon as you get home. Don’t send texts and emails if you don’t have to. Don’t be taking off at strange hours and for strange reasons. The list goes on, and all of these little tips will help.

But perhaps the safest way to have an affair without getting caught lies in who you choose to have the affair with. It is imperative that this person can be trusted to respect your marriage and home life. It is imperative that they realize they are second and your home life is first. It is imperative that they have just as much to lose as you do by getting caught.

You may already know the affair from earlier in your life and know their situation, which is good. But if there isn’t someone at the ready that you can trust, you may want to think about trying one of the married dating services that are becoming so popular. They will literally let you choose someone to have an affair with, from your area, who you find attractive, and who has as much to lose as you.

Having an affair can be dangerous business if not done properly. Stay safe, and be sure you pick the right person to share yourself with.

Tracking down uptime in Windows XP

Have you ever wondered how long your Windows XP system has been running since the last reboot? If so, this handy Windows XP tip will show you how to find out your system’s uptime.
Here’s how:
  1. Open a Command Prompt window.
  2. Type the following command:
    Systeminfo | Find “Up Time”
Posted in Tricks. Tags: , , . 1 Comment »